


feel this forever

by poiintprometheus



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Established Relationship, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, They/Them Pronouns for Benrey (Half-Life), YES theyre already technically together by this point, just something soft, takes place after the game, this is almost entirely fluff, this was a initially a part of my other fic so things in game happened very differently
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:08:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24769030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poiintprometheus/pseuds/poiintprometheus
Summary: just a soft moment shared between gordos and benrey after the game
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 39
Kudos: 336





	feel this forever

**Author's Note:**

> hi so! this was actually going to be the ending for shouldn't talk about it, but as i started developing the direction i wanted to take that one, this no longer fit at all. but i still think it's really cute so i may as well post it! title from forever by dnce !
> 
> for context, this is still part of the au where gordon learned the science team + benrey were aware of being ai and in a game early on! he and benrey are already mostly established by the final fight (gordon of course knows benrey has no choice in their role as the villain) and he harbors no ill will or blame toward benrey for it 
> 
> anyways this is unbeta'd so i'm RLLY sorry for any mistakes i tried reading through twice but some might still slip thru :,) hope it's still enjoyable! <3

It's quiet, but for the first time in weeks, it's a comfortable silence. Silence in Black Mesa meant something bad was about to happen. But here, in the comfort of his own apartment, sitting beside someone he trusts, the silence is like a blanket. It wraps around them, cocoons them in its safety and protects them from the dangers of the world beyond. 

Benrey is a solid weight against his side. They're leaning against him as if he's their only support, and they'll just topple over if he weren't there to hold them up. And maybe, he thinks to himself, they would. He feels drained, so he can only imagine how they're feeling right now. They  _ died  _ for God's sake. 

(Gordon isn't entirely sure the logic of everything that's happened since ‘defeating’ Benrey. From being forced to attend a Chuck E. Cheese birthday bash for Tommy, to exiting the game and finding the Science Team and Benrey all alive, all  _ real _ , in his house… To say it’s been an eventful day would be an understatement. Gordon’s trying not to think about it too hard.)

With a quiet mumble, Benrey shifts against Gordon, and throws an arm around him. They turn to bury their face against his chest, and he lets them. The contact is both immensely comforting and bizarre. Sure, he'd been able to physically interact with everyone in the game, but never had it felt like this. He can actually feel Benrey's warmth, their weight, the way their chest moves with each breath – It only solidifies, in his mind, the fact that they are all here now, with him. 

Gordon wraps his arm around Benrey's shoulders, and holds them close against him. They make a quiet sound, but say nothing more. They’ve hardly said anything since Gordon had exited the game and walked out to find them and the others in his living room. Hell, they’ve hardly moved from their spot on the couch. Gordon understands they must be exhausted, but he’d be lying if he said he isn’t at least a little bit worried. Is it possible that killing them in the game has affected them worse than he originally thought? Or maybe being outside of the game is more dangerous than any of them could anticipate? No, that couldn’t make sense, the others seemed fine. It’s just been Benrey. God, what if-

“bro, you think too loud.”

He’d never admit it, but Gordon lets out a squeak of surprise at hearing Benrey’s voice so suddenly. He looks down at them, face heating at the little smirk they’re wearing. 

“sorry, man, didn’t mean to scare ya,” they tease, and Gordon can feel his face getting even hotter. He frowns and huffs quietly.

“I thought you were asleep, asshole, sue me for getting a little startled,” he says, only a bit defensive. They snicker, and then reach a hand up to touch Gordon’s face with a gentleness he almost would never expect from them.

“you’re cute when you’re embarrassed,” they mumble quietly, and Gordon’s face is positively burning now. He averts his eyes, mouth closing and opening stupidly as he attempts to find an answer. Leave it to Benrey to render him completely speechless with only a couple words. They laugh, and it’s nothing like what Gordon’s heard from them before in the game. This sounds genuine, and soft, and Gordon realizes it’s the first time they’ve ever truly laughed around him.

He's staring, he knows it, but he can't help himself. Benrey's  _ laughing _ , and smiling and Gordon's heart feels like it's about to beat right out of his chest. They look tired, but more alive than he's ever seen them. It's such a stretch from the mirthless grins and dead eyes they'd had during that final fight. They  _ had _ laughed then, but it had sounded more like harsh barks of sound being torn from their throat, nothing like the light, almost breathy noises they're making now. That thing back there, Gordon thinks, was not Benrey at all. It had worn their face and used their voice, but it hadn’t been them. 

It takes a moment for Benrey to notice Gordon’s staring. When they do, they’re laughter dies in their throat, and they quickly look away, cheeks turning a deep red. Had they always been so cute? Or was it a product of finally being free of the game and its control? There’s no way for Gordon to know, and he finds he doesn’t really care to ask. He wants to avoid any talk of what had happened in the game until they’re all ready to discuss it. So instead he just smiles, and gently takes a hold of Benrey’s hand, which had still been caressing his cheek. Benrey freezes and their eyes immediately lock onto their hands, before they look up at Gordon.

“bro…” they say, voice soft and reverent. “we are holding hands.”

The words are so unexpected and so  _ Benrey  _ that Gordon can’t hold back his own laughter. He watches a small smile creep its way back on to Benrey’s face. They then hold up their joined hands to their face, gently pressing their lips to the back of Gordon’s hand. They hold it there for a quiet moment, and Gordon just watches with wide eyes and burning cheeks. It’s so weirdly intimate, and it’s shattered as Benrey makes an exaggerated “muah!” sound before letting their hands fall into Gordon’s lap.

“that was pretty gay, man,” Benrey says, but they won’t meet Gordon’s eyes. Gordon laughs again, exaggerating his exasperation to hide the fondness building in his chest. 

“You're the one who did it.” Gordon responds and Benrey finally looks up at him, their face a cute shade of pink. 

“yea, but you let me so what’s that say about you, huh?” Benrey’s got a smirk on their face, but it’s playful.

“I don’t know, maybe that I am gay? Specifically for you?” Gordon quips back, immediately feeling smug with how Benrey freezes up, their face darkening as a few orbs of pink slip out of their mouth before they slap a hand over it. It's the most endearing thing Gordon has ever witnessed, and he can't hold back a soft ' _ aww'  _ that makes Benrey's face go even darker. They glare up at them, even as more of that pink sweet voice slips between their fingers. 

Gordon leans in, then, and kisses the back of Benrey's hand, right over where their lips are, partly to just see how much more flustered they can get. He’s rewarded as Benrey makes a shrill noise, and is unable to hold back their sweet voice anymore, pinks and magentas spilling from their lips and filling the air between them. Gordon chuckles, and reaches out with his free hand to gently touch one of the orbs. It’s warm, and softer than the calming blue Benrey had a habit of spitting at Gordon. It’s also significantly less solid, dissipating quickly after Gordon touches it. 

“What’s it mean?” Gordon asks, eyes back on Benrey, whose eyes are a pretty shade of purple in the light of their sweet voice. They grumble, still clearly embarrassed, and give a half-hearted shrug.

“shouldn’t it be obvious, gaydon?” Benrey mumbles. Gordon lets out another startled bark of laughter.

“Gaydon?” 

“yeah, like gaydon feetman. because you’re like… big gay. got a big ol’ gay crush on me, huh? gordon care benrey? pretty cringe, man, gonna kiss me about it? gonna go full chulip style and give me a big kiss and win the game?” Benrey’s mutterings are bordering on nonsensical, and Gordon can tell it’s because they’re nervous (plus he’s 99% sure Benrey’s never even played Chulip before to draw that kind of comparison). He smiles, and cups Benrey’s cheek, similar to what they’d done before. It makes them shut up immediately, their eyes darting up to look at Gordon.

“What if I do wanna kiss about it? Would you let me?” Gordon asks, smile growing as Benrey’s eyes grow wider, glancing down briefly to Gordon’s lips, then back up. They swallow thickly, and slowly nod.

“i’d... say, what are you waiting for, feetman? victory kiss with the big bad themself?” Benrey says, grinning now despite how nervous they clearly still are. 

So Gordon kisses them. They inhale sharply, as if surprised Gordon actually went through with it, but waste no time in leaning in to return the kiss. It’s soft, and hesitant, testing the waters on what the other does or doesn’t like. Benrey makes a quiet sound as Gordon tilts his head, and he returns it when their free hand comes up to tangle in his hair. At some point, Gordon has to pull back for air. He’s greeted with a very dazed Benrey, who may as well have hearts in their eyes with how they’re looking at Gordon. Such open love and adoration is not something Gordon will ever get used to. Gordon can’t help it, he leans in for another quick peck that has Benrey grinning like a lovestruck fool. 

“pog,” they say and Gordon groans but he’s smiling so wide that his cheeks are starting to hurt. 

“I love you.” It’s not what he’d meant to say at all, and it makes Benrey go rigid. He, too, goes still, irrationally afraid he’s ruined things between them before they’ve even really started. But Benrey’s face then breaks out into a positively  _ giddy  _ grin and they’re suddenly in Gordon’s lap, hugging him tightly. So tightly he almost can’t breathe, but it only makes him chuckle and he moves to return the embrace.

Benrey doesn’t say the words back, but they don’t need to. Gordon knows they feel the same. More pink sweet voice bubbles up from where Benrey’s buried their face against Gordon’s chest, but this time they’re humming along, no longer trying to stifle it at all. It’s nice and peaceful and everything Gordon could ever want. He can already feel himself starting to drift off, almost entirely content wrapped in Benrey’s arms. Things aren’t perfect, they all still have so much to discuss and things to figure out, but… 

Things will be okay. Gordon’s sure of that.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments always appreciated!! thank you for reading!


End file.
